As Recovery Month continues, one of our clients, Lee, has shared his personal recovery journey. Below, Lee has presented his journey in the style of a letter, addressing his toxic relationship directly.
To whom it may concern,
I have been asked to do a quick letter about a toxic relationship I’ve been involved with most of my life. Well, to tell the truth, we’ve been together on and off since we were kids. At first, it was cool, we buzzed off each other. We didn’t really need anyone else, as far as my lover and I was concerned.
Everyone wanted us to split up, saying stuff like ‘you need to stop hanging around with each other, you’re no good for each other’.
Of course, we had disagreements and break-ups. Sometimes I’d leave her, sometimes she betrayed me and didn’t do what I asked of her. But after some time apart, you guessed it, we’d get back together. It would get worse. It was starting to affect the way I lived. It was difficult to hold down any job. I was thinking, ‘this has to stop’.
By this point, we had isolated ourselves for so many years, it was getting stale. We were getting bored with each others company.
Not sure why but, instead of getting help my girlfriend decided to start getting a friend or two round. But it ended up three friends round. It wasn’t long before we were all best of friends again. Chilling, watching telly, cuddling up together at night nice and warm. Pretty soon, we all lived together in peace. So the five of us, yes five of us, lived together getting along fine.
As I said, life was good. Couldn’t be any better. Well, how wrong was I!
I was always skint, not a penny to my name. Every single penny was spent on them. They were stopping me from seeing my family. Even friends, the ones that wanted to help me, I pushed away because I thought ‘well, I am getting all my needs met’. How wrong was I? Oh so wrong and everyone could see it but me.
I was waking up with bruises, aches and pains. Feeling like I had been battered with a baseball bat. But by now, my memory was shot so I couldn’t remember which one it was. Waking up, throwing up, ‘shit, they’re trying to kill me, they’re poisoning me’. But I still went back for more. By now, they were my last hope. Helping me to live but trying to kill me at the same time. That’s it, all of a sudden, I need them more than they need me. And years have passed and the worlds moved on. My kids have grown into adults. My kids have kids.
I’ve wasted my life on what I thought were my lovers and girlfriends. And now, I am at death’s door. Luckily, my children still had hope in me and got me to the hospital. My four lovers had been abusing and neglecting me for so long. I get dropped off at A&E. While sitting in God’s waiting room, I had a major fit. My body was shutting down because of what I had let my four lovers do to me.
To this day, I am not sure how I survived the abuse and neglect. Upon leaving the hospital four weeks later. The nurses said they don’t know how I pulled through. Suppose it was like a three-legged horse winning the Grand National.
Anyway, I am still here. My two stunning, brave and courageous girls had to save their dad’s life and for that, I will be forever in their debt. My four lovers still try to get me back. But I’m afraid that if they find me this time, I will surely die.
Oh yeah, my four lovers are famous but they’re renowned for what they did to me. You will have heard their names on TV or read about them in the newspaper. Be aware, they come in many disguises. In fact, you probably know them…
Drink, Crack, Coke & Weed.